Notes on a self improvement project

This weekend, most of us in the United States celebrated the holiday of Thanksgiving.  It is the time of year when we, specifically, are supposed to reflect on our blessings and take time to be thankful.  And eat a lot of turkey and pumpkin pie.  And do our part to stimulate the economy.  But mostly, we're supposed to take time to be thankful for our blessings. My family and I had dinner with some of my parents' friends.  My responsibility was green bean casserole, which people seemed to enjoy.  There was a full house, as always, and everyone seemed to have a nice time.   Throughout the day, I did think several times of my friend Dave, who has just lost his brother.  Mike's funeral actually took place on Monday, just a few days before Thanksgiving.  It is so sad that they had to say goodbye to Mike, who was so young.  S o many of my friends have suffered losses this year.  This did make me appreciate so much more that I am enjoy...

Today, the 11th day of the 11th month, is Veteran's Day, a day to reflect on the freedoms we enjoy and the men and women who served our county - fought and sometimes died - to give us those freedoms.  Many of my family members, colleagues and students have served, and I am proud of each of them for what they have done, and continue to do, for our country.  I am forever grateful to those who serve.   For the rest of the year, instead of reflecting on my self-improvement project (I don't have a lot to report about it anyway) I will reflect on a freedom I enjoyed during the past week.  And maybe something about my self-improvement project.  But mostly I want to do this small thing in tribute to the men and women who have sacrificed so that we all can enjoy both the small and big freedoms that make up our lives in this country, and that others in other parts of this world do not. To begin, I finished reading, for probably the dozenth time, Harry Potter and the O...

Tuesday, October 23...another farewell.  My uncle Ronnie (my mother's brother) died suddenly in a very strange and tragic auto accident.  He had hit a deer on the highway, and for some reason that nobody understands, he was crossing the highway to find the deer, and was struck by a car.  He died a few hours later from massive injuries.  On Tuesday, I attended his funeral.  It was a very sad experience.   I hadn't seen him or my cousins since college, except my cousin Denise, who came to my wedding.  My cousins all had children, most of whom I hadn't met, and some of those children had children.  Meeting family members for the first time in a situation like that is not ideal by any means.  It seemed as though there were dozens of cousins I was meeting for the first time.  My uncle lived a simple life, but he was very loved by many, many people.    I found out today that my good friend Dave's brother Mike is in hospice right ...

I received an e-mail today from an old friend.  Most of the time, these are a wonderful and welcome change from the e-mails I usually get - typically, I get feed from library job listserves, Monster.com and Realtor.com.  Today, though, the e-mail from my old friend contained the sad, sad news of the passing of Ted Warshafsky. Ted was the founder of the first law firm I worked for.  He was a truly a force of nature.  He was a gifted attorney and a true advocate for the rights of injured people.  He was passionate about the law and beyond dedicated.  He was inspiring.  And a little scary.  But I have truly fond memories of working with him - I loved Ted - in a completely work appropriate sense. One of my favorite memories of Ted is this:  I was engaged to Pete and we were planning our wedding when I started working there.  We ended up inviting him, along with several others at the firm, to the wedding.  On the day he received the ...

The dogs and I just got back from a walk.  That goal, at least, is still pretty much on track.  We walked for about 3 miles today and about 2 yesterday, and we are still walking every morning.  Admittedly, we probably could have walked more this weekend, but it was cold and wet and I couldn't bring myself to do it.  We also have had some issues with neighborhood dogs - and their humans - which have been somewhat discouraging.  In fact, yesterday, we were on track for the full 3 mile walk when we walked past the house with the rottie who is sometimes loose.  I thought we would be good to go, since it was raining and cold, but the rottie was out and running around.  His human saw us, and instead of trying to call the rottie, she yelled at us to turn around and go back.  This was odd, because t he rottie people are usually a little better - they usually at least try to call their dog instead of yelling at me.  This was  on top of a confront...

I haven't posted for awhile, mostly because there is little to report.  The shingles are better, but I haven't done much to get back on track with my goals.  I have felt generally uninspired and I have had a hard time finding the energy or enthusiasm for much at all, and for a self improvement project in particular.   It isn't hard for me to figure out why.  There are a few obvious reasons for my lack of motivation, it doesn't take  a rocket scientist to figure them out.  The trick will be to find ways to get past them and get back on track.    So, I am paid twice monthly, at the middle of the month and the last day of the month.  The check at the middle of the moth ends up paying the mortgage and the car payment, and that leaves enough for gas for the car and groceries and that is pretty much it.  That means the check at the end of the month has to cover literally everything else that costs money - all bills and expenses that AREN'T...

I wrote the following poem for the 10 year remembrance of the 09/11 attacks.  I want to share it again this year: Another Tuesday It was just a Tuesday. 3000 people got up that morning And started their normal routine. Some walked their dog or fed their cat. Many others woke their children Dressed them in their still new clothes. Some drove their children to school. Others watched as their kids dashed out To catch buses or join their friends. Some made breakfast before they left. Others thought they would get something on the plane Or on their way to work. Some kissed their children or their spouse.  Some did not. Some said “I love you.”  Some did not. Some said words of anger instead. Because everyone thought it was Just another average Tuesday. And for awhile, it was. Some of them had just settled in for a long plane ride. Some opened a book or a magazine. Some were listening to music or taking a nap. Some were talking...

What can I say about a week spent almost entirely alone?  Not much. I can assure everyone that shingles is an extremely annoying problem, and I didn't even have a very bad case.  If I hadn't seen a doctor, I wouldn't have even ever realized that it was something to be concerned about, and if it hadn't been on my face, I could have been at work.  I didn't feel awful, but I didn't feel really good, either, and I have had a headache for over a week now, and the rash was extremely itchy.  Other people I talked to have had a far worse experience.  There is a vaccine for this, I would totally recommend it.  The vaccine is expensive, but so is the medicine once you have shingles.  If you can avoid this, do it! Barring the vaccine, I did discover something to help the itchiness.  Wine compresses helped immensely, and once I started using the wine compresses, the rashes healed faster, too.  So, if you are unfortunate enough to get shingles, rem...

So, another bad week for my goals.  And for me, in general. Here's what happened.  Last weekend, at some point, I noticed a little bump on my face, near one of my injuries from my fall in the spring.  I thought it was a zit, thought nothing more about it.  Then, next thing I know, there's kind of a patch of these bumps there, and more near the scar by my eye.  I've been using this scar gel for the scars there, so I think it must be a reaction to the gel and I stop using the gel right away. But the bumps don't go away or get better.  And they are very, very itchy.  So finally, on Wednesday, when they are still not better, not going away and are still itchy, I decide that I should go to the doctor, because I haven't been using the gel for several days at this point.  I fully expected the doctor to tell me this is a bad reaction and be given a prescription for a skin cream to clear it up and have that be the end of the story. Not so much. ...

So, what can I say about this week - and last?  I don't know.  At least, they weren't as bad as the last one I wrote about.  And in some ways, they were really good. In terms of the goals...I have gotten off track on a lot of them.  I am putting off the new recipes for awhile so I can save some money for the living room improvement project, so no progress on that one.  In my last blog, I said that I would try to focus on my "laugh more, be angry less" goal.  I think I might have been doing ok on this goal, except that last week at work, there were some developments that may affect me, quite negatively, at some point.  I am really concerned about this, so it has added yet another dark cloud to the sky above me, and it was already pretty crowded with dark clouds this month. I have tried to find things to laugh about in the last two weeks, and there have been some really good moments lately.  In particular, this weekend, I went with a friend to a...

So, yes.  Another bad week for a few reasons.  This bad week thing is starting to be a trend, and a trend that needs to change. It has been a full year since Dale's death.  So much has happened since then - sometimes it seems like it couldn't possibly have been only a year; sometimes it seems like it couldn't have been a year already.  I am still so conflicted about Dale.  I loved him.  I loved him very much.  But towards the end of our relationship, I think I hated him, too.  I was certainly extremely angry with him.  By the time I moved out, we were having horrible fights, and they were happening constantly. After I moved, things got better, but the anger has never really completely gone away - I think because I can't forget the reasons WHY I was so angry.  So many of the things that I was angry about still directly impact my life and my ability to get back on track.  So I am still constantly reminded of everything that happened...

After a couple of glasses of wine last night, I've decided to do something that is really very brave or maybe really stupid, or maybe a little bit of both.   Also last night, I bought two pints of Ben & Jerry's and ate half of one of the pints.  I haven't indulged in wine AND B&J in...ever.  One or the other, yes.  Never both in one night.  And I haven't needed a night with my friends Ben and Jerry in years. So what was the reason for my sudden desire for really expensive yet delicious ice cream?  Of course, it is "The Guy."  Unless a miracle happens within the next few days, he is moving, and when he leaves, any hope for things to change with us will leave, too.  For me, this is yet another loss in a decade full of them.  I will now have lost my marriage, three pets, several friends, four or five jobs - some that I really, really liked - two homes, and my credit.  I've had to move from the city that I loved and all of my fri...

Today is Independence Day, and most people in our country are already deep in celebration.  For the first time since I was in college, I can say that I am truly independent, and most of the time, I feel that I can celebrate that.  Unfortunately, for the last few weeks, I have not found much to celebrate.   These two weeks have been the most disheartening since I have started this project, and I find myself more discouraged than I have been in a very long time.  There have been some incidents that I can identify that have really had an impact, and the anniversary of Dale's death is coming up, which I am sure has something to do with it.  Mostly, though, I am just generally feeling discouraged.  I have been trying to think positively for far too long, with no tangible benefit.  I am out of optimism and need a new supply. I was talking to a friend about my new recipe day project, which is, to me, one of the most important parts of this project, becaus...