Today is Memorial Day.  It is a day to reflect on the sacrifices of the men and women who serve this country in our military, but also to remember others who have passed.  For me, I have lost some good friends recently.  Connie, the court reporter friend who lost her battle with cancer just recently - and far too young.  Misha, the little dog I got for Dale just before I moved - she was still a puppy and such a good little girl.  I will always regret not insisting that MIsha come live with me when Dale got sick the first time.  I know in my heart that Misha would be alive now if I had. 


And Dale.  Again, far too young.  He had a lot of potential and I know he was trying very hard to get his life on track.  If he had been able to stop drinking, he really could have had a great future.    


I still struggle with my feelings for Dale.  We did love each other very much, and there is a part of me that will always love him.  But there is no denying that things went very wrong between us.  And there are times that things that happened with Dale haunt me...like the puddles on the floor of the driver's side of my car after a rainstorm (long story).   And I wonder, have I forgiven Dale but still have lingering anger; or am I no longer angry but can't quite forgive?  I'm not really sure.  But, on a regular basis, it is much easier to remember him with love, and when I remember the bad times or have to deal with a problem left over from our time together, the anger is much, much less than it was.  And I guess that will have to be enough for now.


Ultimately, I am where I am now because things went wrong with Dale.  And where I am now is a pretty good place.  I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary with my employer, and overwhelmingly, I do enjoy my job.  I enjoy what I do, and I enjoy the people I work with.  I have a decent house and I'm making good friends here.  Things have been much, much worse for me in the past, so it is getting easier every day to count my blessings.  I just have to remember to actually count them.   

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