The next goal I created for myself was another goal to live a happier life, and this goal is to stop saying "I'm sorry" or apologizing so often. I have a habit of using that phrase or a similar type of apology quite often, and usually not for something I actually did or had any control over. It is a habit of speech that is ingrained after basically a lifetime.
There is a specific reason I added this goal to my list. Someone I care about a great deal pointed it out to me recently. What may have really resonated with me was that my friend also said that I didn't have anything to apologize for. Others have mentioned the "I'm sorry" thing in the past, but this time, the observation really made an impact.
I'm not sure why I formed this habit, but I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that I was a picked-on kid in school. From about 3rd grade until midway through high school, I don't remember ever feeling good about myself. I contemplated suicide regularly, I was depressed quite often. It is an awful feeling to be the person nobody likes, to feel like a complete outcast, to feel alone and lonely every day in a place you have to be because you have no other choice. I found myself feeling like I needed to apologize for ever saying anything, for everything I did, for my very presence in school. I think that is when and why I formed this habit, and it stuck. A lifetime later, it is still a part of me.
But I am not that girl any more. I have worked very hard to make a life for myself, and I have a lot to be proud of. I never intentionally hurt anyone, and I make every effort to treat everyone with kindness and respect. I have no reason to apologize so often, and saying it so often makes it meaningless, even on the occasions when I do make a mistake or actually owe someone an apology.
Since my friend made this observation about my habit, I have been trying to be aware of what I say and to be conscious of when I say the words "I'm sorry." I think I am saying it less and less, and I think I am actually starting to feel better about myself. I think that making this change in my habits will really help me become more confident and self-assured.
I hope that it will also help me remember that I have come a very long way from those childhood years, and I have grown and changed, but my past helped me become who I am today. I think it made me more sensitive to other people, more sympathetic and empathetic, and more willing and able to encourage and support others. Those are good things, so something good came out of that time, and that is what I should remember about it.
There is a specific reason I added this goal to my list. Someone I care about a great deal pointed it out to me recently. What may have really resonated with me was that my friend also said that I didn't have anything to apologize for. Others have mentioned the "I'm sorry" thing in the past, but this time, the observation really made an impact.
I'm not sure why I formed this habit, but I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that I was a picked-on kid in school. From about 3rd grade until midway through high school, I don't remember ever feeling good about myself. I contemplated suicide regularly, I was depressed quite often. It is an awful feeling to be the person nobody likes, to feel like a complete outcast, to feel alone and lonely every day in a place you have to be because you have no other choice. I found myself feeling like I needed to apologize for ever saying anything, for everything I did, for my very presence in school. I think that is when and why I formed this habit, and it stuck. A lifetime later, it is still a part of me.
But I am not that girl any more. I have worked very hard to make a life for myself, and I have a lot to be proud of. I never intentionally hurt anyone, and I make every effort to treat everyone with kindness and respect. I have no reason to apologize so often, and saying it so often makes it meaningless, even on the occasions when I do make a mistake or actually owe someone an apology.
Since my friend made this observation about my habit, I have been trying to be aware of what I say and to be conscious of when I say the words "I'm sorry." I think I am saying it less and less, and I think I am actually starting to feel better about myself. I think that making this change in my habits will really help me become more confident and self-assured.
I hope that it will also help me remember that I have come a very long way from those childhood years, and I have grown and changed, but my past helped me become who I am today. I think it made me more sensitive to other people, more sympathetic and empathetic, and more willing and able to encourage and support others. Those are good things, so something good came out of that time, and that is what I should remember about it.
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